porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
