New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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