I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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