your parents love me but you hate me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
These tits shall not be calmed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
