Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
