clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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