btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
