didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
