I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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