so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
