I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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