lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
