btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
