I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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