i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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