who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
