JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
