he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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