she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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