So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
