just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
