so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
