yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
