My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
