quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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