Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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