Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
