I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
