if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize