We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
