Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
only if we run a train.
done.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
