cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
