yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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