I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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