Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
