just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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