Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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