if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
