Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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