Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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