If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
