I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
