its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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