wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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