i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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