I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
