i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
