I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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