I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
