Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
