I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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