Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
