having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
