Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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