man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
