my mouth tastes like poor choices
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
