where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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