i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize