OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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