end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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