i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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