Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
