You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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