WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
