i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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