I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize