For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
