I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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