I'm going to jail i love you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
