I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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