Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
