He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize