thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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