If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
