i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
