Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
