Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
