People with herpes should wear stickers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
