if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
