I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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