Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize